The unsound approach

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stand up, sprosser tossers!

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 1:46 PM

Right, much as it pains us, we've been driven to briefly resurrect the "blog" in order to try and restore some sanity to webo-land. Lips have been bitten, confused eyebrows raised, and now things are now getting out of hand. Just what the hell's going on with this venomous backlash against birding slang?

It started here, and now it's spread to here, here and here.

What�s the beef? What provoked all these scathing attacks? So far, the best argument put forth against the use of words like �Icky� and �Sprosser� is that �it makes you look like a twat...�. Well, that�s us told.

Why? What�s your point? You don�t like abbreviations? You want everyone to speak the Queen�s English? You�d prefer it if everyone spoke like Huxley? �Oh I say, let us repair to the automobile and hold forth for Wells-next-the-Sea; I hear that my acquaintance has just encountered an Indian Tree Pipit!�   No, it can�t be the words themselves that are causing the upset. It must be something else, something more sublte. But what? Using our fine-tuned human intuitions, we�ve picked up on an undercurrent of unhappiness in greater blog community, and we have our suspicious as to why.

To help resolve the issue, we�d like you all to take the following test. It�s called the �Am I a bit grumpy and bitter because I�m worried I might be getting past-it?" Test. Please answer honestly:

1.      Do you enjoy Top Gear?

2.      Do you regularly complain that footballers earn too much money?

3.      Do you occasionally listen to Zane Lowe in the hope that you can stay up-to-date with modern music, but find you have to switch it off because you can�t understand a word he�s saying?

4.      Do you sometimes watch the BBC Local News?

5.      Do you sometimes drink Real Ale?

6.      Do you think that Natasha Kaplinski is really hot?

7.      Do you own an ipod but never use it because you don�t like the circular wheel thing?

8.      Do you still buy CDs?

9.      Do you think that mowing the lawn is a necessary part of human life?

10.  Do you sometimes get irritated when young people use slang words and nicknames and stuff, like it�s big and clever and makes them all cool and hip and like they�re all down with the in-crowd?

The results: If you answered Yes to any of questions 1 to 9, that means... Well, actually that�s largely irrelevant. If you answered Yes to question 10, it means that you are definitely suffering from �I�m a bit grumpy and bitter because I�m worried I might be getting past-it Syndrome�. It also means that your honest answers to questions 1 to 9 should also have been Yes. If any of them were No, then you must be in denial. Maybe ask your GP about some counselling.

Ok, so we�ve got to the root cause of the issue. Maybe a few people out there are a bit sensitive about all the �Johnny come lately�s� (i.e. young people) suddenly appearing out there in the field, getting all unnecessary and excited about birding, building themselves a �scene�, having fun, making friends and generally ruining it for everyone else.

Go ahead, we understand! They must know the truth! - that they are all pathetic twats for daring to have such a good time. What dickheads they are, enjoying their sad little camaraderie, their idiotic poncy shared dialect. Oddie and Cocker were both full of shit! Birders don�t need their own slang, they don�t need to be part of a �Tribe�! Birding isn�t about being sociable! It�s about filling in notebooks, wearing anoraks and bitching about Lee Evans! The spread of birding slang must be stopped, before we all end up being dragged into some kind of interconnected society! Please, let�s not get drawn together by this silly playground banter, the kind of thing that might make newcomers feel like they are joining something good! Birding isn�t good � it�s boring and grey! It�s uncool and we should all be ashamed of it! Please, no more slang!

Ahem. Sorry, it all went a bit mental there.

Anyway, if you really can�t tolerate the UK birding slang, maybe we can borrow some from these guys:-

http://www.freewebs.com/hoaxbirders/begrippenenafkortingen.htm

Yes, we�re going to be using Begrippen, Blokker, Twitchbitch and Moss as much as possible from now on. While you�re over there, have a look at this page. Seen many scenes like that in Britain lately? (And no, we don�t mean the vizmig rares � sorry � visibly migrating rarities - we mean the big gangs of enthusiastic kids out birding and having a great time). Wonder why we don�t get that kind of stuff happening over here these days?

Think on...

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6 Comments

Reply anonymous
10:26 AM on July 23, 2008 
it is all clearly about the netherlands, loads of hot loose women, great birding and 80% less dudes.
Reply Mofo
1:34 PM on July 23, 2008 
I dunno about the hot women, pal. A lot of dutch bints look like the fooking honey monster.
Reply Harry Hussey
10:12 AM on July 24, 2008 
'Maybe people could vote for their favourite punk...? ' <br>John Lydon, or perhaps Iggy Pop if he counts? <img alt="wink" src="http://images.freewebs.com/Images/Smilies/Round/wink.gif">
; <br>Hoaxbirders: I have nothing against the Dutch, as any Dutch birders that I have met have been quite friendly. Of course, seeing as how I've only met 3-4 of them, that just means that I haven't met the inevitable w*nkers...
Reply anonymous
8:42 AM on August 10, 2008 
punks slating punks - bitter bonxie thinks that you go to B&Q and have arguments on new years eve with your girlfiends, and punkbirders think bitter bonxie secretly watches top gear, face it lads its only a matter of time.
Reply Pedant
7:07 AM on September 11, 2008 
Sprosser's just the German name for TN. Surely can't be slang in that case? Couldn't give a fuck about the rest of the slang though. Doesn't change what the bird is, even if it's given a silly name by someone.
Reply Bumsexual
11:48 AM on September 19, 2008 
'and there's Pedant with the late arrive at the far post' <br> <br>PS Bring back the Rareometer!